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Women I worked with a group of men that had pornography in their desks. Each day I was subject to sexually suggestive names, comments, and propositions. I just asked to be left alone to no avail. One night when I was working late and as I walked across the parking lot for my car, I heard a familiar voice. One of the men I worked with called my name, then approached me. As we talked it was clear he had one thing on his mind, I was going to have sex with him. I had to fight him off, and luckily escaped his sick fantasies that he said all women really wanted; those of the stories in the magazines. Anonymous I am in my teens and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Just two days ago I was using the internet on my computer and I found a multitude of pornographic web pages in my history that I knew I hadn't gone to. When I asked my boyfriend about it, he admitted that he had a problem, and has been addicted to pornography for several years. At that moment, I lost all control of my emotions. I've been physically sick, psychologically traumatized, and just absolutely disgusted with him. He had all of my trust and faith, and now that's gone. I couldn't believe it was true...I didn't want to and still don't. I feel like I have NO idea who he is anymore...I feel like I'm looking at a stranger. He is known as such an innocent person...shy, and caring. I couldn't fathom the idea that he was even capable of such an unimaginable, indescribable act. I feel ugly, worthless, and violated. We have tried exhaustively to talk this through, but every time I'm torn between wanting to hug him as a best friend and tell him we'll get through this, and just wanting to throw him out and never look at him again. I hate what he did. I can't believe he thinks he can honestly tell me he loves me when he can do something as disrespectful as looking at other women in such an impure, disgusting way. He has told me that this is what he needed to happen in order for him to stop. He said he never liked it, and he can't explain to me why he did it. I can't understand and I can't make any sense of it. It's like a bad nightmare that is still happening every morning when I wake up. He said that he needs me to be there for him, so he can get over this. But it's so hard to be his best friend and girlfriend at the same time when what he did affected me so much and hurt me so immensely. The truth is, I don't know what's going to happen. I can't forget those. images I saw. I can't hold back the tears when I think of him looking at that trash. I can't be intimate with him, and I'm not sure when I'll be ready to again. The thought of being that close makes me want to be sick because all I can see in my head are those pictures I saw. I know I can't mention this to anyone else that I am close to, so that is why I'm writing this email. I do need some help/advice besides him because I can't deal with this on my own. I've read the stories posted on the internet from wives who've had to deal with their husbands' addictions, and the majority of them say that the problem started in their youth. I am scared to death that this will lead to a bigger problem down the road. We have had serious talks about marriage in our future, and I'm so petrified that he will return to this addiction or that it will become strip bars, prostitutes, etc. I don't think he's capable of anything like that, but then again I never, ever imagined this. What can I do...I know there is not an easy answer...but any advice would help. Thank you.
I am 20 years old. I remembered seeing a billboard for your site. I
have always wanted to visit it, I guess I just never had an excuse to
before. I feel that I have been, several time and still am, a victim of
pornography. I have been in several relationships in my life that were
abusive and I was seen as nothing more than an object. Twice I was raped by
guys I know. The first time I was raped was May 08, 2001. That was my first
experience with sex. The guy that did it I had known for SEVEN years! I
always knew that the sex industry in this world was bad, but it wasn't until
then did I realize how it effects us. I have talked about this with many
people, family included, and no one seems to think that porn has anything to
do with women being raped and the like. I feel that it does. I think if they
were ever treated in the same way that I have been that they would feel this
way too. This has all made me not trust people in general - not even women.
I stopped looking for a man to fall in love with because I lost hope in
anything good coming from a man. But I just so happened to meet one. I am
now engaged to the man of my dreams...but of course he uses porn, like every
man. We have talked about it a lot. He knows about my rapes and such, too.
He doesn't hide the fact that he uses porn from me, which on the one had is
good because he is being honest with me, but then again it sucks
because then I have to think about it. I can't help but think about
it. One thing is he doesn't use it when I am at his house ever. That
much I like. But I can't help but wonder sometimes if he waits until I go
take a shower or fall asleep to get up and go look at porn. I trust him, but
this notion of porn is just so overbearing in my head. I seriously hate
pornography (be it magazines, videos, DVDs, so-called
"gentleman's" clubs, and movies with nudity in them) so much that
I just wish I wasn't alive. It would be so much better if I was dead. I
seriously hate porn that much. I don't like how it takes over my mind.
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Copyright
© 2002 Citizens for Community Values, Inc.
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