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Wives of Porn Addicts

I was married to an abusive husband for over 18 years. He used me to act out his pornographic fantasies. Disrespect, anger, belittlement, humiliation, pain, confusion, and brokeness are just a few of the words that describe how I felt as I recall what I went through.  I have blocked out so much just to keep my sanity.  I tried so hard to measure up and perform like the women and men in the pictures. I thought it would save my marriage. I soon learned that I was nothing but an object to be used and abused for his sexual pleasures. I have escaped the pain, but for a price.  My children and I know that pornography is damaging in many ways. God is so faithful, as He is restoring the many years of damage.  Former wife of a porn addict.

It began with a casual glance at a girlie magazine but turned into something far more insidious. "Innocent" fascination with soft-core pornography eventually led to skin flicks, frequent visits to strip clubs and encounters with prostitutes. My husband's secret obsession was just that, a secret. Laurie Hall, wife of a porn addict

I have been married for over 14 years. My husband has been addicted to pornography all this time. I hate to even use that word.  He has used printed material, video, the Internet, and has been to adult bookstores.  He dragged me into this addiction for years, and I followed along just to please him. But I finally couldn't take it anymore.  He became physically, mentally and verbally abusive to me.  The hardest thing to take is when he tells me that pornography has had no effect on our family.  God help us.  Wife of porn addict.

My husband and I seemed to have a good marriage from the outside, but I experienced verbal abuse, very little love and intimacy. My husband was emotionally unavailable.  When I received a call from a woman with whom he was involved, the pieces of the 25-year puzzle began to come together.  Over the next few years I discovered my husband had a secret life which included a lifelong sexual addiction to numerous forms of pornography including phone sex, affairs, X-rated videos, cable porn and more. It has taken years for me to recover from the emotional abuse, rejection, betrayal, broken trust, lack of intimacy, humiliation and shame I lived with for so long.  With the help of therapists and a support group I am coming out of denial and starting over. It has been a painful journey but with God's help I am now safe, happy and at peace.  Former wife of a sex addict.

I was married for nearly 12 years to a man who was addicted to pornography.  It controlled his life, and nearly destroyed mine. What began as a curiosity for him ended as torture for me as he acted out his sadistic fantasies.

Pornography captured him as a young teenager, and its power over him grew until it consumed him. His sexual desires and fantasies were molded by the images he saw in books, magazines, and videos.

The physical violence began early in our marriage when he told me people were addicted to perverted sex and magazines and that I needed to understand what they were feeling.  He held me down and would not let me free while he forced painful violent intercourse. When he finished, he was filled with remorse over what he had done and swore he'd never do it again.  As time went on however, he gradually acted as though he had a right to use force to do whatever he wanted to me.  Our marriage license became a license to rape. 

It has been five years since I took steps to get out. Recovery has been a long, difficult (and expensive) process.

----This article is excerpted from written testimony submitted by a California woman to the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee. July 23, 1991.  The woman's name has been withheld upon request.

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